There are some days I’m honestly terrified about being an adult. I’m 21, almost 22, and the idea of responsibility makes me want to run for the hills. At the same time, I also crave it. I want my own house, a career, a future and a fulfilled life. But hell, the idea of putting my foot on the first step to any of that seems scary.
I think the problem is that everyone seems to think life should be planned out at this point. Go to school, go to university, have a career and retire. Honestly, I don’t think I fit that pattern at all. I went to school and university and now I’m on the other side I’ve no clue what I’m doing. Then social media comes in. You’re constantly comparing yourself to where other people are in their lives. There are people the same age as me who are super successful and set up for life. Then there’s me…
But social media isn’t real. Yes okay, some people are more successful than me at this point but they are hardly going to post about the bad things. The things that make them stressed and anxious. Social media is a highlights reel. I’m just as culpable for that. I post pretty pictures of dinosaur related things and never the failures.
I’m going to be honest, life isn’t perfect at the moment. Looking for jobs is hard. Figuring out my life feels impossible. And I honestly believe this period of limbo I’m in right now will be one of the most difficult I’ll have to deal with. Trying to get my head around everything hurts my head. There are days where I do nothing and days where I try to be productive and it crashes and burns. But that’s life and I know I’ll figure it out eventually.
So, how does this relate to dinosaurs?
Dinosaurs give me the hope that everything is going to be okay. Yes, right now this period of my life feels massive and complicated and messy but in the scheme of things, this moment is insignificant. Deep time. Dinosaurs. Fossils. This Earth has been around for billions of years and I’m worried about the space of a few months.
I’m not saying I shouldn’t be proactive and I shouldn’t be trying my best. However, at the end of the day, in a few years time I’ll be in a better place and in millions of years time I’ll be insignificant let alone my worries and fears. To some people this may all sound depressing but it actually reassures me. Figuring out my place in the world is the one thing my mind is coming to terms with at the moment. Yes, I can’t figure out a job or a career but in terms of deep time and the natural world, I’m getting there. Weird huh?!
My love of dinosaurs is extensive because of this. It’s not just a fad or a phase, learning about dinosaurs make my eyes open to the world around me. I love it. These animals walked on this planet millions of years ago, including right where I’m sitting now. Amazing, right?
I think a lot of people think my dinosaur obsession is me clinging onto my childhood. I laugh at that. I wasn’t particularly interested in dinos as a kid so why would it be clinging on? I love dinosaurs now because I want to expand my mind.
Anyway, that was a very deep blog post but I think it’s important to show our failures and our troubles for two reasons. Firstly, sharing is caring. The only way I can come to terms with where I am now and my difficulties is by being open and honest about it. And secondly, I think in a world where we see the highlights reel sometimes it’s nice to hear someone talking about the whole picture.
Life is messy but that’s what makes it good. At least you’re not being hunted by an Utahraptor I guess?!